flashback friday.

do you ever get in those moods where all you want to do is look at old pictures and listen to old music? cause i do, and usually it makes me feel better & helps me remember my life is actually pretty damn awesome and that i should probably quit complaining so much.

this last week.

not going to lie, this last week was really hard. classes got super challenging, i got called into work when i wasn't planning on it and theres a coworker that i seriously dislike. (she's a first class beyotch. one of those girls who makes you feel like a speck of dust. and she's not even pretty or anything. call me shallow but you know the type i'm talking about.) a small bout with the 24 hour stomach bug decided to pay me a visit, and then was replaced by a serious case of the winter blues. add that to my four obnoxious roommates, i just felt low and sad. even yesterday, after a heavy dose of church, i wasn't feeling like myself. but then i woke up this morning to go out to the farm.  

the blizzard that came through last night cleared out the inversion and i saw blue sky for the first time in two weeks. it's never felt so good to see the sun shine through clouds. class was cancelled because of all the snow, and i feel so much better today. it's like seeing a little bit of blue sky gave me the refuel i needed to make it through the rest of january. only four more days, and a new month will be here. 

hurry up february. you're one month closer to spring.

xoxoxo

jessica

on nights like this.

i generally like people. there's only been two people in my entire life that i could say i truly honestly 100% dislike 100% of the time. 

however. there's this girl that lives across the street who's friends with one of the roommates that tends to hang out in our apartment at the most inconvenient of times. she's really condescending, rude and inconsiderate so needless to say, when she shows up i either stand in the living room and say bratty things in the attempt to make her leave or i go to my room and turn obnoxious music up really loud, again in the attempt to make her leave. 

and so, you can imagine just how i felt when after an already terrible day, i walked out into the living room and suddenly she was there, sitting in my spot on my couch. i was about ready to scream, considering i was gone for about three seconds to get a blanket and i had just put in my favorite movie to watch in a rare moment of quiet when everyone in my apartment was gone. and then she shows up? nice. i would watch my movie on my computer but it's so ghetto that it doesn't even have a disc drive.

so, i just locked myself in my room with my coke and some twix, turned my kid cudi up really loud and am browsing pinterest. just livin' the good life.

but really, she needs to leave now.

welp.

today was a waste.

and i feel like yuck.

unfortunately i'm still real moody 

and want to eat junk food realllllly bad 

and grew a fricken huge zit on my face. 

on my chin. 

and i feel really fat. but its mostly cause i'm bloated.

and this post already contains a lot of information you probably didn't want to know. 

sorry about that. 

anyways.

i'm dying to ride butterscotch.. it's been over a month since i've been able to go spend more than 45 minutes with her. that's the longest gap of riding i've had since my freshman year of high school and i really don't like that. at all. like i think about it and i start crying. and i'm being serious. lets blame that on hormones too, okay? okay. 

in other news.

i just bought a new bedspread for college.

HOLY COW IT'S CUTE.

i also am having a mini panic attack because i move out in oh, 36 days. 

i guess thats it for today.

jessica.

hello, i'm angry today.

i'm just pissy today. 

sorry. haha.

(its the whole period thing.)

happy day.
xoxo
jessica.

Source: someecards.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: someecards.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: someecards.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: tumblr.com via Jessica on Pinterest

wait, what?...

sometimes i look at people and think,

really? that's the sperm that won?...

harsh, but i honestly do sometimes.

because sometimes i hate people. 

and, i am so over all the love songs! 

i can't listen to any of them. whenever lady antebellum 

or any other country mushy songs or anything i have to skip it.

i just can't handle it right now.

i think its because suddenly i've been forced to 

talk to boys that i have history with and it brings back memories. haha.

some real good, some just plain ol good, and some that are just eh.

but hey at least i have a memory.

i am raging today. 

i have a killer headache too.

i. see. kath. in. four. fricken. days.

i. am soooo. excited.

yeah. that's all.

peace.

xoxoxo

the spring that changed me.

this song sums up my life. like, perfectly.

i know a lot people are worried & aren't all the way informed so i figured i'd do a little (haha.. little) post about it.

but.

there's too much happening. i don't even know where to start..

1) a long time ago, my dad refused to do some huge business work for some really prominent people because it wasn't honest. ever since then, they've been trying to get back at him for 'hurting' their operations.

2) two weeks ago the fbi showed up on our doorstep at 6:45 in the morning and arrested my dad on charges of pension fraud, which are totally untrue. some people managed to twist information around in order to make it look like he was guilty. he did nothing wrong. he spend overnight in jail and then was let out with an ankle monitor. yeah, my dad's under house arrest. no big deal. (ever seen the tv show white collar? it looks just like that.)

3) its a really long and complicated and sickening story, but our home was stolen out from under us illegally, but there's nothing we can do to prove it right now. innocent until proven guilty? please. its more like guilty until proven innocent. we had an agreement that we could stay in our house until graduation and then we could move out. yesterday at 2pm, they showed up with an eviction notice saying we had 24 hours to be out of our house. (which, btw, is illegal.. its the law in idaho that you have 72 hours to pack up and move. but whatever.)

4) we had to find places to put our horses, dogs, rabbits, and chickens. they're all spread out at multiple different places with multiple different amazing families. that was the first issue. our friends brought their horse trailer over and we loaded up and took them to their home. they're staying there for a while. right after i got home from that, i found my best friend and her sister in my room. they'd started to pack for me.

needless to say, i lost it.
i've never cried so hard in my life.
the worst feeling ever is knowing that you don't have a home to go home to. like really? its gut wrenching. imagine feeling scared of the scariest thing in your life times four.

it is such a blessing to have so many people that are willing to go out of their way to help us.

5) right now, i'm staying with my best friend and her family. i love them just as much as my real family. my life is currently spread out between like five people's homes. my shoes are at one house, all my clean clothes are at another, all my dirty clothes are at still another, and my makeup, two pairs of yoga pants and various t-shirts are with me. yeah, it sucks but i'm alright.

my extended family is awesome too. they're such a support to us right now.

a lot of people have asked about my plans for this summer.

i'm moving down (up?) to logan as soon as possible to get a job, and i'm actually super excited. (don't get me wrong, still plenty nervous but still really excited.) i'm planning on starting school in the fall as usual.

also. i have a small favor.
if you're in the boise or logan area and know anyone that's selling a small car with good gas mileage pretty cheap.. let me know :) i'm not taking my truck with me because it's expensive and hard to park in small college parking lots.


love,
jessica.

honesty & integrity.

pay attention, i'm about to teach you something very important.

crazy stuff has been happening in my family & although it's more challenging than i could have ever imagined it to be, somehow i feel okay. we don't know what's exactly happening and it's an understatement to say we're flying by the seat of our pants.

this week, i've learned a couple of things that surprise me. 

-lesson number one-

family is the most valuable support network you have.

really though. i have the most amazing family ever. not only are they loving & supportive, they drop everything going on to make sure you're okay. for us, they dropped work and other personal matters and drove for hours to get to us. it is so comforting to know that no matter what the outcome of things are, i have places i can go.

-lesson number two-

BE HONEST. IN EVERYTHING. FOR REAL. YOU THINK I'M ONLY HALF SERIOUS BUT CHILD, YOU DON'T KNOW A THING.

i don't know how else to say this. 

honesty and integrity are your two most valuable personal assets. you think it's okay to steal things from classmates because it's small. you think it's okay to make a commitment and then flake out at the last minute. you think it's okay to become 'friends' with someone because you want something from them.

IT'S NOT. 

to all my fellow classmates: you think that integrity is just something you grow as soon as you graduate from high school? you're insane. it is a either a part of you or not a part of you. 

there is no partial integrity. you think you're just going to suddenly become honest when you enter the workforce? please, no. if you're dishonest in one aspect of your life you are going to find it extremely difficult to be honest in the rest. thats when it begins to hurt other people & that.is.not.okay.

understand?

-lesson number three-

(and this one i'm so guilty of. like, so guilty. but you can believe me when i say this is changing. now.)

speculation and rumor spreading and judging people for something you *think* happened or you *think* is true is not okay.

oh, you know for sure what happened? were you there? oh you heard it from her who heard it from him who told her all about it. 

NO. 

please, stop. 

there is plenty of speculation and false stories and inaccurate information portrayed by the media and by people who read the media. it's.not.all.true.

if you want to know exactly what's going on, ask me. if not me, than one of my family members. ask someone who's directly involved so you can get facts. not facts that have been passed through three people's tongues, not facts that are from a funky news article that has a name & a picture. things are skewed by the media for ratings. just accept that your 'source' isn't accurate unless it's first hand, please.

before i go completely insane.

-lesson number four-

i am grateful for a savior who knows exactly how this feels.

christ knows.

injustice does not last forever.

false allegations can't stand.

things will be judged how they're meant to be in the end. 

everything will work out. 

i honestly have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next year. things could stay the same but more than likely there will be some huge changes in my life coming up.

but i feel okay because i know that someone else has felt this and more.

tears come and go (they come more often than not).
i'm living off of diet coke & oreos. (thanks nicki.)
asdoija;sdfgij'asifj.

& that's my heart right now.

love,

jessica.