Wednesday, February 22, 2012

because you are the best you anyone could ever be.

i read this post last week and thought i'd do the same. 

"girls. have. self. esteem. issues.
and thats a fact.

i don't care who you are, what you look like, how much you weigh or what everybody else thinks of you. odds are, you have some sort of issue with your self esteem. 
you wish you had better hair, a clearer complexion, you wish you were skinnier or tanner of lighter, you lish you had straight teeth, white teeth. you wish your eyes were different. you wish you were taller, shorter, you hate your feet, legs, arms, stomachs, yadda yadda yadda.

but believe it or not- that girl you're comparing yourself to? 
she's comparing herself to someone else, wishing that she looked like her. 

i do it too. but no matter what kind of surgery i have, i'll never have legs like carrie underwood or have a body like jessica alba. its a waste of life to wish you looked like someone else. because sometimes, the person you wished you look like, probably doesn't even look like that at all. take a look."

"happiness does not depend on what happens on the outside, but on the inside of you."
gordon b. hinckley 

"self esteem does not come from having expensive clothes, perfect hair, perfect teeth, being super skinny, bubbly, sexy, whatever. self esteem comes from having confidence in yourself, just the way you are. 

self esteem comes from the inside out, not the outside in."

& if you don't believe me, 
take it from the boys.

i asked some of my friends to answer these three questions:
1) what do you look for in a girl?
2) would you rather the girl make the first move? what's boys' biggest insecurities when it comes to girls?
3) how important is it that a girl has confidence and personality to you?

this is what they said.

jason. i look for girls that have really good personalities. for me, if they have crappy personalities, they're unattractive, even if they're super hot. i also like when they have a nice sense of humor and share the same standards as me. i also want the to feel good about themselves and not bring themselves down with negative comments towards themselves. i feel like its harder to ask out girls that i don't really know and boys don't want to come across as players. if you want to get to know a guy, just do it. we won't be weirded out or anything.

anonymous. looks are definitely not what matters most. personally, i think that personality and maturity are what make a girl stand out above the others. most importantly, i look for a happy girl that's at peace with herself. its so easy to recognize her real personality just by the way she smiles. this sounds cliche but the simple things make all the difference. too much makeup is ugly. it bothers me alot when girls feel like they have to cake their faces to feel pretty. even worse is when girls put themselves down to try to fish for compliments. i think its okay for girls to make the first move, but they need to be okay with boys not being interested. i don't think girls realize how much the boys actually care about hurting the girl's feelings. i think a boy's biggest insecurities are worrying that they scare girls off. haha. dropping hints is good too, and remember we can't read your mind! personality is so important, its what makes people fun to be around. confidence makes it easier to see the personality, but overconfidence is a turn off. i think confidence also affects the way girls present themselves. more confident girls tend to be more modest, which does us guys a huge favor. its so uncomfortable trying to talk to a girl who's not wearing any clothes. honestly, modesty helps bring a friendship to a higher level, because its easier to focus on personality instead of how they look.

sam g. her eyes are the first thing that i notice about her. i don't think that girls should make the first move. if they do, it makes us look weak. i think how we look is sometime our biggest insecurity. also, personality and confidence are 90% of how we look at girls- its key.

jarrad. i look for a great smile and a sharp, funny, playful sense of humor. if she can't take a joke, then forget it. i think the boy should make the first move if a relationship is clearly wanted by both people. i think that guy's biggest insecurity is definitely looks, even when it doesn't really matter. confidence and personality are 100% of a girl. her personality has to be robust and genuine. if she doesn't have confidence in herself, her personality won't project who she truly is.

alessandro. in a girl, i look at her eyes and her smile and her sweetness. i would say that if a girl texts first then it lets us know that she's interested!! i feel like too many girls lack confidence, and so yes its a key part of how we see young women around us.

landon. i notice a girls hair first. if her hair looks amazing, she's got my attention. girls should definitely drop hints or help us out in some ways, because we're kinda dumb when it comes to taking hints. i think personality is everything. and confidence is what she thinks of herself. if she doesn't think highly of herself, then why should i?

jesse. although looks are the first thing a guy sees, it doesn't mean that its the attribute he values the most. a girl can be "totally hawt" but a real jerk and no guy will like her (and if one does, they're extremely shallow and you don't want anything to do with them anyway.) likewise, a girl may not be the prettiest, but if she's enjoyable, she can be very attractive. i think it'd be amazing if the responsibility of being the asker of dates was placed on both the girl and the guy. just because you're a girl doesn't mean a guy will be offended if you ask him out. i don't think they get how nerve racking it is alot of the time to ask a girl out. if you don't have the nerves to ask a guy out, drop hints to try to get the guy to ask you (but be aware that we're terrible at taking hints.) i think guy's biggest insecurity is that if they come off as desperate/jerkish/annoying/uncool to a girl, their "reputation" can spread like a freakin' wildfire. i hate it when a girl insults herself and then refuses any compliment given to cheer her up. just take the stupid compliment. although, i'm pretty sure these girls don't even mean half the things they say about themselves, they're just fishing for compliments. but your personality is huge.

anonymous. i look for a girl who's classy, unafraid, and who was a good sense of humor. girls need to not pair off or stay in groups- its hard for us to get into a conversation with them and its just plain intimidating to approach them. i think that girls should feel confident with he way they LIKE looking and acting. but to be too outwardly confident i think is considered arrogance in most situations. personality means everything, but girls need to show their own personality, and not what they think the guys will be pleased with. also, i think girls shouldn't be afraid to be more inclusive with boys. hang out with us!!!

cardston. i definitely look for girls that are outgoing, love to laugh, and goof off alot. eyes and smiles are huge. same with hair. change it up, straight hair everyday gets boring. girls should let boys that they're interested. guys are clueless. i think confidence is huge, because i don't want a girl that's always down or hard on herself.

jacob. it depends on the girl. if she's drop dead gorgeous then yeah, i'm going to notice looks first. but personality makes the girl no matter how good looking she is. if she's easy to talk to (responds to you kindly and with emotional investment) and loves to laugh i notice that alot. guys should make the first move (but girls should be a little more obvious (we're not all that bright). how important is personality and confidence? 100%. if she has no personality or a bad one, then i don't want anything to do with her. sorry, sucks to hear, but that's not who i would want to marry or date.

sam s.  girls don't have to have a perfect body, but she has to take care of herself. unless she has a good personality (polite, friendly, and likes to laugh) then i don't stay interested. i don't mind it if a girl texts me first, i mean, obviously it means she's interested enough to start a conversation. if she has a bad personality there's really no point in trying to pursue a relationship, it would be so boring. if she doesn't have confidence in herself, then how can i have confidence in her?

shane. every guy looks for the same perfect combination of intelligence, attractiveness, athleticism, musicality, charm, wit, and humor. i don't really see things in terns of first moves. i think its a mutual thing when you go in to hold her hand for the first time or whatever it is. honestly, it should be very obvious that she wants it to happen (again returning to the theme that boys are kinda slow.) our biggest insecurity would be not being able to tell if she likes you for a variety of reasons. she could be really sweet and flirty but maybe she's like that with everybody, she might be shy, she might have really dry humor, it just all depends. but thats why we fall for certain people and not others. confidence and personality are 100% everything. that doesn't mean i want her screaming her opinions in my face all the time but she has to be her own unique, confident person.

austin. i look for a girl who's herself, a girl who can be her in front of anyone. looks are definitely a factor when first meeting, not to be shallow. i'm not a shallow person, seeing as how i've had less relationships than my 12 year old brother. there are girls that starve themselves and girls that can eat a big mac. i prefer the latter of the two, i prefer girls that are fit and have an appetite to match mine. to of the biggest deal breakers are their personality & what they can take. if they're outgoing and willing to do stuff out of the norm, thats a plus. and if she can't take mine or my family's humor, then she's out of luck. if she isn't willing to go skydiving with me when we're seventy, or travel the world and live as the people do when we travel, i'd rather just be friends. 

blake. her smile. it doesn't have to be the perfect smile, it just has to be there and shared with the world. a warm, loving smile that makes everyone else happy. and especially one that makes me smile no matter what else is going on. the girl shouldn't have to feel like she needs to make the first move. the guy should man up and do it if he really truly likes her. guys need to take that responsibility and make something happen if they want it to. i think girls like guys that will sweep them off their feet and carry them when there's a river to cross in life. the guy needs to provide that security and trust. confidence and personality are a must. a girl must be able to be on her own, even if she really isn't on her own.

jacob h. my input to all of the questions is just that as long as a girl takes care of herself and is nice, any guy can fall in love with her. you just have to take the time to get to know each other.

and so, ladies, there you have it. 

i am extremely lucky to call these boys my friends- they give me hope for the male race. but honestly- start tomorrow. change how you look at yourself. get yourself out of bed and tell yourself that you're beautiful. carry yourself with the knowledge that you're amazing and no one else can be as you as you are.

everybody can't and shouldn't be the same type of beautiful. so find your own. and OWN it. every. day.
maybe, we can stop living in a world where everybody wished they were someone else and are glad that they're unique.

after all,

wouldn't you rather be a first rate version of yourself, and not a second rate version of someone else?

love always,
jessica :)

i want this post to reach as many girls as it can. 
if you feel so inclined to share this message, please do! 
and as you share it, encourage others to share it as well!!
think about the change we could make if we kept this going.
i hope this post reaches every girl who needs it:
because every girl deserves to feel beautiful.

a shout out to
carmina joy
and all the fabulous boys that helped out.
love you all!

1 comment:

free2b.Kelsey said...

Jessica! I love that you did all the work to get so much imput from guys out there! Great message! P.S. As you can see, I got a blog! :)