flashback friday.

do you ever get in those moods where all you want to do is look at old pictures and listen to old music? cause i do, and usually it makes me feel better & helps me remember my life is actually pretty damn awesome and that i should probably quit complaining so much.

there is absolutely no reason for me to put pants on today.

1) i love this place. the sunrises are always phenomenal & make me glad to be alive.
2) just because i said no to one guy does not automatically make me dating the other one. i don't even like him. you guys are retarded. stop jumping to conclusions.
3) people are so dishonest sometimes it makes me sick. if there is one thing i've learned in the last year it's that honesty is the most important factor in any relationship. also, don't lie about stupid things because you're jealous of someone else.
4) i wish i could fall back asleep right now.
5) i have learned the past few months that having people come into your life that are just like you can be either an amazing blessing or a serious temptation.
6) for being spring break, there's a surprising amount of people walking around campus.
7) i make mistakes. i'm human. i know one thing and then sometimes i go and do another. but wanna know something? that's okay. every day i'm working towards a greater goal. some days are harder than others, and sometimes i'm embarrassed about things i've done, but the beauty of it is that i can shake it off and be forgiven and it's all alright again.
8) i'm loving working at the farm & the dairy this week. it's always nice to get some variety.
9) i really wish i was still in idaho.. this whole "lets spend spring break in logan" thing sucks.
10) there is absolutely no reason for me to put pants on today and i am so glad.

that about sums it all up. have an amazing day you guys!
xoxox
jessica :)

hard places.

have you ever noticed that trials come in series? i feel like the saying "when it rains, it pours" can be accurately used to describe this last week and a half. there are so many things that are going wrong.

this week has been an awful one. a girl and a boy from my high school were in a very serious car accident earlier this week. my brother was really close friends with the boy, and i was acquaintances with the girl. he will be fine, while she is still in a coma. i was friends with her older sister, we graduated together. and while we were never especially close, i feel hurt in my heart for her and her family. i can't imagine getting up in the morning and wondering if today was the day my only sister would finally wake up and be alright. i am so proud of haley for being so strong, and i look up to her more than words can say. her beautiful sister has been in my family's thoughts and prayers constantly.

it was also finals week. i failed one of my classes and had a serious three day long panic attack while frantically trying to figure out how to pay for my school next semester. i still haven't found a solution, but it's a constant, prayerful process. i also found out that i'll have a new roommate next semester. the ones i have right now are crazy enough, and having to deal with losing wendy and getting a new one might just push me over the edge. but, i know it will be all okay. wendy will be an amazing ra for the girls upstairs and my new roommate might just be exactly who i need.

and of course, on top of this cake was the shooting today. no one knows why things like this happen to the most precious of God's children, we only know that we have to trust his plans. i cannot imagine the heartache and grief and anger that the parents, families and friends of those sweet, sweet children are experiencing tonight and will be living with for the rest of their lives. it's so hard not to question our heavenly father, and be bitter when things like this happen. those precious babies are in the arms of our savior and have already fulfilled their purpose on earth. they are home now.

perhaps the hardest part of these tragedies is that they happened right in the middle of the Christmas season. maybe it's a reminder to us to keep Christ the center of this holiday, and realize that nothing we receive this season is greater than the love and sacrifice our savior gave us. He is the reason that our minds can be at peace in this crazy, awful, wonderful world. He is the reason that i am comforted when i think of those people that were part of the shooting, the adults and the little children, both the ones that have passed away and the ones who survived, and i know that their peace of mind will return and that their families will be reunited with them.

i am so grateful to be with my family tonight, all of us safe and sound under one roof. i love them to the moon and back, and i pray that the same safety finds you and your loved ones tonight. give them all big hugs and kisses before bed and make sure they know how much they mean to you.
love always,
jessica.

on nights like this.

i generally like people. there's only been two people in my entire life that i could say i truly honestly 100% dislike 100% of the time. 

however. there's this girl that lives across the street who's friends with one of the roommates that tends to hang out in our apartment at the most inconvenient of times. she's really condescending, rude and inconsiderate so needless to say, when she shows up i either stand in the living room and say bratty things in the attempt to make her leave or i go to my room and turn obnoxious music up really loud, again in the attempt to make her leave. 

and so, you can imagine just how i felt when after an already terrible day, i walked out into the living room and suddenly she was there, sitting in my spot on my couch. i was about ready to scream, considering i was gone for about three seconds to get a blanket and i had just put in my favorite movie to watch in a rare moment of quiet when everyone in my apartment was gone. and then she shows up? nice. i would watch my movie on my computer but it's so ghetto that it doesn't even have a disc drive.

so, i just locked myself in my room with my coke and some twix, turned my kid cudi up really loud and am browsing pinterest. just livin' the good life.

but really, she needs to leave now.

im not perfect.

there have been a few things on my mind lately, and i just thought i'd spill.

(warning. you are in no way required to read about my troubles. its just some serious brain vomit that has been building up for a really long time and apparently its cool to air your dirty laundry on your blog. also. there may or may not be some.. uh, choice language in this post. so thats that.)

i am very ready to go to college.
i want to sort of re-invent myself.
obviously, i'll always be jessica, no matter what. i know who i am and what i believe and there's nothing that can really change the fundamentals. but for some reason lately (and i'm not really sure if its just me or if all graduated seniors feel like this) i feel like i have to force a smile for some people, or force a relationship that i don't really want. i want to sort of clip away the people on the fringes that don't uplift me but at the same time, they all have played a role in my life and i want to like, i don't know how else to say this, hoard them?

that sounds super weird, right?
i feel like i just can't let them go.

i really want to have a fresh start in college without a lot of the baggage that high school packs on your back.

which brings me to my next topic.

a boy.
who i liked very very much at one point.
we still have a lingering frelationship (i def just made that word up but what'er) and i am having a seriously hard time telling him to hit the road. he's really not the kind of friend that i need anymore and he and i have both changed so drastically that every time i talk to him i end up feeling self conscious or embarrassed or frustrated about something. i think that the reason i'm having a hard time is because (1) we did have feelings for each other at some point, which are obviously gone and (2) because i'm afraid of someones feelings be irreparably damaged, either his or mine. whoops. i know what i have to say to him & hopefully i can just say hey, nice knowing you, see you sometime hopefully never. 

on to the next issue.

i will be the first one to admit that i am in no way perfect. at all. in any way, shape, or form. but, i'm okay with that because i know that i'm human and thats how humans are.
but.
that does not, i repeat, does not give you the right to act all self righteous and holier than thou. you know who you are. you've made some of the exact same mistakes i have, and you chose to handle them a different way than i did. not necessarily a worse way or a better way, just a different way. and i've come to grips with the fact that i do make mistakes, but i've also come to grips with the fact that i can change how my mistakes affect myself and people around me. so don't even be like that. you're not better than me, or worse than me, you're just different. and that's okay, even though i want to text you back and tell you you're being a dick face.

but i won't.



even though i want to.

so that's whats going on in the brain of jessica today... but mostly i still feel like asd'if'sIGASIFJA;SIa;ALSKDJFA;SLIFAN;OWNAAa;lsdkfja;eia;woieaghowiba.

yesh..
<3
jessica.

ps. props to you if you actually read this. haha.

ehs class of 2012: senior prank edition.

you ask how?

i tell you.

we are literally the coolest kids in the world right now.
plus.
we're all super attractive.
plus.
i love idaho.
(camo, anyone?)

ps. this may or may not be my fifth post today..
hehe.

aiasdawoeiraf.

yes. that's how today went.
just a few things.


high schoolers are idiotic, hormone driven, and straight up rude.

i am so insanely grateful for my best friend. we rage together sometimes.

i love advil. my head and lower abdomen are angry today.

lemme riddle you a ditty, it's just an itty bitty little thing on my mind,
bout a boy and a girl tryin' to take on the world one kiss at a time.

i decided today that all you really need in life is a bible and some chocolate.

kla & i both had bad-ish days.
"I JUST WANT TO EAT CHOCOLATE AND GO TANNING AND CRY."

i like mint flavored chapstick.


the end.
love,
jessica.

carbs.

one time. 

i had a bad day.

(okay okay, this whole week has been terrible so far.)

and so when i arrived home after school, i changed into clothing that's usually unacceptable to be seen in public wearing, and was going to go make me some eggs and toast. 

but then, the toaster broke. cool.

and then i didn't want to eat eggs without toast.... so i decided i'd have some fried rice and teriyaki chicken. but then it was all gone. great.

so then i had to settle for 2 slices of white bread and pasta from last night.

i'm a carb junkie, 

sue me. 

causes.

my dear friend taylor has an incredible knack for saying it as it is.
and i agree 100%.

read this.






please don't get me wrong,
what's happening here is terrible 
and no child should ever have to go through
something like this. ever. period.
people just need to understand that
this is run on emotion (and is very successful)
but you shouldn't join a movement like this
unless you truly care about it and are informed. 
change isn't made by apathy.
hopefully this video/movement reaches someone who can do 
something about it, but to the rest of us, 
lets be informed about what's really going on here.
i'm not ignorant and i'm not being rude, 
just being realistic.

um. how?

that's what i've been asking myself lately.

how do i live on four hours of sleep a night? 

uh. not sure. 44 oz of caffeine? that could help. 

protein bars and boiled eggs? yep those too.

ice cream? 

out of the tub?

heck yes.

literally the past two weeks, i don't even know what's been going on. so much.

 my phone is broken (again) and i lost the cord to my camera. i literally have 2500 pictures to upload, edit, and blog about. yep.

valentines day is seriously my very favorite holiday after christmas. i know alot of people hate it, but its the one holiday that you want to give people things more than you want to recieve them. and who cares if you don't have a boyfriend on valentines? its not about being "in love" with someone, but about being thankful for all the rest of the people in your life that you love. 

eagle, idaho. 

otherwise known as pageant land. 

oh my gosh i cannot stand pageant people. they are the bane of my existence. they're not bad on the off season, but as soon and junior miss and miss america's outstanding teen roll around, be ready for the claws to come out and for my social life to die.

speaking of social lives, i have none. i've never had to study for a test in my entire life-- and then second semester happened. zero motivation+senior project+5 AP classes=one unhappy, sleep deprived jessica.

my best friend's mom backed into my truck and crushed three panels. yayyy. i love that the first word that came out of her mouth was a colorful one that rhymes with bit. she's my young womens leader and i love her to death. 

i'm visiting utah state in two weeks with above said family. ^. i'm so excited. so. 

well. that's been my life lately. 

hopefully i find my camera cord soon. 

i miss it. 

love, 

jess. 

(oh haiii. i'm cute. its fine.)

in the dictionary.

i looked up frustration in the dictionary.
the jessica dictionary.
and this is what it said.

frustration. (n.)
the state of being frustrated. 
see also; chemistry.
see also; senior project.


***
dear government/english teachers:


is it really so hard to provide details on how you want us to do this senior project crap?
NO. ITS NOT. BECAUSE WE DO NOTHING WORTHWHILE IN YOUR CLASSES ANYWAYS.
so you might as well help us out. & don't get mad if i BS it all because i didn't know what it was doing. 

thanks, 
class of 2012.
***




i am literally raging right now. 
how bad, you ask?
so bad i've been crying. 


granted, i cry at everything. but still. 


dagnabbit. 


i want to eat dark chocolate 
and some good sourdough bread from the hound dog guy that lives in mccall. 



and thats all.
blech.
jess.

jessica's guide to skipping school.

lets be honest, its a far too common occurrence in my life.
last night was terrible; i'm talking four hours of sleep.
reruns of psych on hulu and the promise of the weekend
are literally the only things keeping me sane.
(& skipping school.)

enjoy.


one // happily drive your car out of the school parking lot at the beginning of lunch, waving to the security guy as you drive past.

two // pull into your driveway, walk in the house, and announce to your mother that you aren't going back to class until one thirty.

three // make yourself a really good chicken sandwich, along with a cookie and a glass of milk.

four // daydream about summertime.

five // drink a large vanilla coke.

six // take a nap.

seven // repeat.

people are flippin crazy.

some people say senioritis doesn't exist.

those people are wrong.
dead.
wrong.

i'm sitting at my computer with my math book open, my chem binder open, papers strewn everywhere, multiple videos going showing me how to find the integral of a log, large diet coke from mcdonalds, and some great music. i'm wearing nate's great sweatshirt (that i'm never giving back to him, thank you) and trying (unsuccessfully) to concentrate.

as#*$*!)_!awoedifjaoe!@ijfa'saoifa'ijaf'p#&(*sodjfaaso@gsd.

that's me swearing.

i also may or may not be crying.


its fine.
xoxo
jessica.

ps. did i mention my phone isn't working either?
happyhappyjoyjoy.
not.

i miss you, dang it.

alot.

imma kill someone.

yeah see that one D?

IT WAS ENOUGH TO DROP MY GRADE FROM A 97% TO AN 89%.

i'm raging.
nuff said.

study break.

day eight.

cat things. 

they make me laugh. 

real hard. 

if you follow me on pinterest, 

just go to my laughter board 

& feast on the cat laughter goodness.

laughed about this for days.

literally.

on another note.

PROCRASTINATION.

its an epidemic, especially among the seniors that have a total of oh, two finals this week. 

it results in me finishing my english project the day before it's due whilst rocking the sock bun, the don't sweat my swag nike shirt, the yoga pants, the ipod on my country playlist, and a waterbottle full of crystal light. procrastination don't get much better than this. 

true fact.

oh & before i forget.

i think some of you may appreciate this.

if you really knew me.

if you really knew me, you would know how i love raspberry lemonade. you would know how i sleep with too many pillows & how many guitar students i have. you would know the name of my horse & where her stall is located in the barn. you would know all the instruments i play. you would laugh at my brother with me. if you really knew me, you would know that twix are my favorite candy bar and that i love to cook. you'd know how i get headaches every day. you would know how much i hate math and love science. you wouldn't laugh at me when i ask you to model for my photography shoots, for the third time. if you really knew me, you'd know sometimes i have a broken heart. you'd forgive me for my blond moments and love me for who i was. if you really did know me.

but you don't.

boom. roasted.

oh. dang it.

i stole this from meg. but gosh dang it, so true. 

(don't worry, there's no bad words or anything. its just the title.)

loves.

jessica.