untitled: december 10, 2013

i love this picture. partly because this is how we look 98% of the time we're together... happy. and probably making stupid jokes and laughing at each other. the other reason i love this picture is because for whatever reason, my neck has completely disappeared. it's great, huh?

i just got done looking at flights with my mom and michelle, trying to decide if it's more economical for me to drive than to fly. it's stupid because a one way flight from SLC to BOI is $140... but a flight from BOI to SLC is $315. makes sense. in conclusion: it's definitely cheaper to drive.

even though i don't see brandon every day, i love all the little reminders of him around my room. the quotes he wrote on my noteboard, the christmas candle, our picture, the elf movie on my bedside table, the knife that never leaves my pocket or bag, the blanket i stole from him, and the dozen roses that are still blooming two weeks later. i'm pretty dang lucky, if you ask me. in fact, i'm pretty sure there's not another college sophomore with a better boyfriend. (P.S. dear brandon: i'm sorry i suck at texting. i'll do better tomorrow than i did today, okay?? :))

i feel like there's something important that i was supposed to do today that i forgot to do. worst. feeling. ever. 

also, this cold is getting worse. mayday, mayday. but- hallelujah for modern day medicine. nyquil is my best friend! also i'm good at eating cough drops like they're candy.

hope you are all having a great day- and hey, the week is half over! whoo!!

love, 

jessica

angels.

these are my two closest friends and i. 

they probably don't realize how amazing they are and how much they mean to me, but all i can say is that i'm so ready for a hell of a year with these ladies.

xox

jess

the best day of your life begins in the morning.

i don't know how or where to start.

things are hard for me and they probably will be for a really, really long time. i kind of hate that. i hate that my life isn't turning out the way i expected it to, i hate that i can't rely on things or on people- and its hard for me to deal with and to come to terms with. i'm sick of pretending to be happy and pretending that everything is okay, when only a very small number of people know how i actually feel. most days, just getting out of bed is really hard. i'd rather just kinda lay there and forget that i'm an adult and that i have obligations and things to be doing.

events that are playing out right now are so hard for me because i remember how awesome my life was just a few short months ago- this last spring, i was freakin on cloud nine. i was taking care of myself spiritually really well, i had an awesome perspective on life, i had a sweet boyfriend, my horses were healthy, i got to go ride at least three times a week, my best friends all still lived in town, i was still playing the guitar constantly, my family was all together and things seemed like they were really looking up. none of those things are true anymore. you know how they say "when it rains, it pours"? yeah they were right.

right now, it's two in the morning, and i just got back from a run. i went and sat on old main hill underneath the lit up A for a solid half an hour and just thought about all the things i'm worried and scared about. i'm so ready to move on- but i honestly don't know if i can. i think i'm ready to sort through everything and figure my shit out- but that scares me. i will take things slow if i need to- but i can't keep sitting here, just waiting for things to work out on their own. it's making me lose my mind.

i guess the first step is to recognize that having a really hard time is just part of life, and it happens. no one has the same situation, and it's so easy for me to get mad at people who don't take me seriously because their life is so easy compared to mine. as far as flexibility goes, i'm pretty rigid. i am so resistant to change- especially when ideas and beliefs that i've held onto for so long make it harder on me to accept what's going on and to just bend and go with the flow of things. i'm slowly learning that it's okay to be sad, and unsure, and scared, and even uncomfortable with living. it's okay. it's okay. it's okay.

i'm scared out of my mind. i don't know what's going to happen to me or my family in the next year, but i really do believe that things will turn out the way they are supposed to. it might not be the way i want them to turn out, but somehow, all the puzzle pieces are going to be put together and it's going to be fine. i'm not okay right now. but i will be, and i really have my friends to thank for that. they have become my family here in logan. they take really awesome care of me. they always know when to call, and when to come pick me up, and when to tell me to sit down and re-evaluate my life. i don't think they each know how much they mean to me- because i can't do this by myself. i'm working on it. i really am.

a close friend told me the quote up there a few days ago, and i haven't been able to quit thinking about it since for a few reasons. sunrises are special- much more so than sunsets. anyone can see a sunset, but you have to work for a sunrise. not everyone is seeing the kind of beauty you're seeing in those ten minutes that the sun comes up and starts the day. not only is each morning a new start, but the way you start your mornings sets the pace and tone for the rest of your day. and you know what? if the sun can get up every day, so can i. it's a renewal.

every day is a learning & growing experience.
am i happy? or even okay? no, not always.
do i believe that everything happens for a reason? yes.
do i believe that everything will work out in the end? yes.
every day is hard. some days are harder than others, but i make it through.
i made it through yesterday, i made it through today, and i can make it through tomorrow.
don't worry everyone. i'm still breathing.

love always
jess

life lessons suck sometimes.

today i'm grateful for the people i know, but especially for two guys in particular.

one walked into my life on complete accident. 

we met through mutual friends one weekend & to be honest, i never expected to hear from him again but we stayed in contact. a month later, after the worst day of my life to date, when no one else was there (literally), he stopped by to pick me up, dust me off and tell me everything was going to be okay. i'm grateful that he stepped and and gave me a few friendly &loving slaps to let me know that i was still alive, crap happens, and life was going to move on. he's become one of the best friends i've ever had to date, and i'm so glad he puts up with my bitchy days, crazy days, sad days, happy days, and all the days in between. several heart to heart conversations and about a hundred card games later, i finally feel much better about life. i wish i could say that things are the same as they were... i can't though. but wanna know something? i'm okay with that. i'm doing good.

the other i met a few weeks after he got back from serving an lds mission. 

he's an awesome guy. seriously amazing. spiritual, funny, not bad looking at all, and is a blast to hang out with & talk to. we went on a date or two, and got along great, but after realizing my life was not in the order it needed to be to carry on a relationship, i treated him kind of awful. i mean, i was my worst self at one point with him. there's no excuse, but i needed a reason for us to stop talking and i guess it worked. i haven't talked to him for a few weeks, and i feel really bad about that. but, the reason i'm grateful for him today is because he helped me realize that there are some things in my life that need to change. i need to get some shiz together and grow up a little bit. so, i thank him for that. 

its crazy to me how much people can teach you about yourself without even knowing it. every person i've met so far this summer has taught me a lesson, probably without me or them even knowing it. but, both of these guys has taught me that life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful. and my life really is wonderful. i don't have much to complain about.

lastly, if you're reading this, thank you, no matter what role you play in my life. thank you for keeping me in check, loving me, helping me out. thank you for ignoring me, driving me absolutely insane. thank you for making me want to punch you in the face because you're so stupid. thank you for not hating me after i say something rude without meaning it. thank you for giving me a hug when i need it, talking to me for hours on the phone, sending me a funny picture because it reminded me of something we did together. i'm learning and growing every day. 

thank you. 

xoxo

jessica :)

days like today, you wanna make em last.

i have the greatest friends ever. i love it when colton calls randomly and we go out and ride around 50 acre pastures for hours at a time. i love my abs being sore because i've laughed so hard at the stupid things we find funny. i love logan. i love the cowboys i've been hanging out with lately. i love going to roping jackpots and checking out all the guy's butts.  i just love my life.

a mission post.

this beautiful girl is one of my best friends in the entire world. 

we were unlikely friends, but she has changed my life in such a huge way i can't even describe it. she was there for me in the happiest & darkest times of my life, when i didn't know if i was going to make it through high school, & whenever i needed a smile or a hug. she's at byu now, and still is there for me, even when i call her in at 1am. we have made so many incredible memories. i am so proud of her decision to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Clara is called to serve & teach the people of Montevideo, Uruguay. 

i am so excited for her & for the people in uruguay who get to meet this girl. 

they are beyond lucky and i hope they take advantage of every second they have with her.

i'm so proud of you baby girl. love you forever and always.

to learn more about missions and what they do, click here.

there is absolutely no reason for me to put pants on today.

1) i love this place. the sunrises are always phenomenal & make me glad to be alive.
2) just because i said no to one guy does not automatically make me dating the other one. i don't even like him. you guys are retarded. stop jumping to conclusions.
3) people are so dishonest sometimes it makes me sick. if there is one thing i've learned in the last year it's that honesty is the most important factor in any relationship. also, don't lie about stupid things because you're jealous of someone else.
4) i wish i could fall back asleep right now.
5) i have learned the past few months that having people come into your life that are just like you can be either an amazing blessing or a serious temptation.
6) for being spring break, there's a surprising amount of people walking around campus.
7) i make mistakes. i'm human. i know one thing and then sometimes i go and do another. but wanna know something? that's okay. every day i'm working towards a greater goal. some days are harder than others, and sometimes i'm embarrassed about things i've done, but the beauty of it is that i can shake it off and be forgiven and it's all alright again.
8) i'm loving working at the farm & the dairy this week. it's always nice to get some variety.
9) i really wish i was still in idaho.. this whole "lets spend spring break in logan" thing sucks.
10) there is absolutely no reason for me to put pants on today and i am so glad.

that about sums it all up. have an amazing day you guys!
xoxox
jessica :)

what a life i live

i am so. happy.

i really believe that having a life you love is blurring the line between work and play.

i have an amazing job. it's not glamorous and i get sweaty and dirty but i'm doing what i love. i have amazing classes that let me hang out with horses all day, almost every day, and i am constantly learning new things. i have the greatest friends who check on me to make sure i haven't fallen off the face of the earth (thanks melia) & boys who send me texts that make me smile. i love when you can feel heavenly father putting pieces in place in your life. that's what He's doing in mine, and i am so grateful for it. He knows what i need more than i do, and i'm really loving the way things are turning out. so much. i can't remember the last time i felt so happy. :)

xoxo

jessica

flirting with boys and things like that.

i'm jessica. 

i don't mind if you call me jess.

i have green eyes and long hair. 

i'm five foot three and i wear my cowboy boots everywhere.

you can take me or leave me. but i'm also really funny and pretty cute soo... i'd take me. haha. 

as i get older, and as i see the girls i grew up with getting engaged left and right, the more i'm convinced that the man that i'm going to marry will love me for exactly who i am, and not for the girl i portray myself as on facebook, and not the girl that someone else told him i was. he'll get to know me and he'll love me for me. i can't change who i am, and why the heck would i want to? there's no one else exactly like me on earth.

i'm not going to lie, i like flirting with boys. i think it's fun. 

but i've also learned the hard way that it's more important to become friends with a boy you like than it is to figure out the quickest way to get him to kiss you. so, lets be best friends, and then later lets get married. deal? good. 

i'd be perfectly fine with having a boyfriend right now. 

but am i ready to get married? heck to the no. 

maybe in two or three years. 

i have a list of ways to win my heart. if you'd like to know them, stick around. 

i'm doing a post on it later.

but don't worry. it's not too complicated. ;)

xoxo

jessica :)

some new years wishes.

oh dear.

i hope you guys like random posts, cause this one is the grandaddy of all random posts. haha.

if you can't walk the talk, then don't talk at all.

sometimes i forget things. 

i'm honestly one of the most forgetful people on the planet. 

i'd like to think that i'll remember your name, and your birthday, and when i have class, and what homework i have to do, and where i put things.

but lets just be honest, i forget things too often.

watching some people try to flirt is just painful. like, please no. 

i know that sounds mean but in all reality it just makes me uncomfortable.

in most situations, i end up vacating the premises.

I HATE SHOWERING.

well. 

i love taking showers.

 but i absolutely hate getting dressed after. 

you're all wet and you have to dry off and put clothes on again (i hate wearing clothes...)

and my hair is all wet and it takes a solid half hour to brush out... yeah. 

sometimes when i get bored in class i just like to watch people. 

they're weird.

nuff said.

getting out of bed is the hardest part about waking up. 

if i could do school and work from my bed, i absolutely would.

it's so much easier to sleep in and skip class when there's snow on the ground.

oh, speaking of snow.

logan got it's first snow on tuesday! 

it was delightful.

for me, the good life is driving back from the barn covered in mud, smelling like cows and horses, and blasting dierks bentley. 

my goodness my life is great.

peace n love n blessins!

xoxo

jessica 

sinners like me.

i'm so happy today.

for quite a few reasons.

1) roommates who love me

2) rain

3) passing my midterms

4) 7/11 diet cokes

5) jason aldean's new album

6) that boy 

7) my new heifer 

8) long hair

9) new playlists with new music

10) going home for the weekend

11) this song

xoxo
love you all.
jess :)

american honey.

hey guys,

i love america

cowboys

country music

horses

utah state university

my little sister

ford trucks

and even the cow that pooped on my shoe today.

I FEEL SO GOOD.

i'm going home on thursday. 

i'm freakin excited.

that's all. 

she grew up good, she grew up slow, like american honey.

homecoming weekend.

true aggie night. 

best thing ever.

my college sisters <3

i honestly don't know how i'd live without them!

winning football team.

35-13.

now number one in the state of utah.

next up:

I AM SO FREAKING PUMPED YOU HAVE NO IDEA OH MY ASIDFA;SIDFJAS.

haha. but for reals. i am so excited for this game!

love my friends.

love my school.

love my life.

love you!

xoxo jessica :)

guys, i'm just so busy.

s t r e e t  p a i n t i n g

street painting is exactly what it sounds like. 

we close down major intersections in logan (with the help of the police) & then we paint a bunch of utah state stuff on the streets for homecoming week.

it's so much fun oh my goodness. i had paint in my hair for like, four days after. 

b a n n e r s  f o r  d a y s

basically... we have a bunch of ugly and unecessary banners hanging in our living room. 

it's just like whatever. 

oh. and my roommate is so cute.

today i rode this little mare named sue. i call her suzy q. 

she's the most beautiful bay ever and i just love her so much. (see above).

she's a reined cow horse so she was so much fun to ride. 

really light on her mouth and front end, has real nice spins and shes also really fast and cowy. i like that.

i love horses so much. a;lskdfja'slf.

in other news.

i wanna go fishing really bad. take me?

i'm working true aggie night, so stay tuned for some super awkward and awesome stories about random people kissing on top of an A under the moonlight. wow. just saying that makes me feel awkward.

i love utah state.

i'm super busy and should be asleep right now but whatevaa.

it's fine.

xoxox 

jess.

adventuring.

1) today i felt like napoleon when today i saw that there was a milk tasting test. how awesome, right?
2) usu set up a huge slip n slide. it was fricken cool.
3) me and sam creeped on all the hot boys there. there was quite a few. heeehee. but anyways.
4) melia, jenessa & i ate real food today. not that we ate fake food before.. but having homemade tacos was so fricken good. i really hope melia doesn't kill me for putting this online.. hahahaha.


peace,
love, &
blessins.
jessica. :)

ed, lego houses, & frustration.

the good

ed sheeran. oh goodness, i haven't loved a british ginger so much since ron weasley.

this is my favorite song by him. 

and after everything i've done, i think i love you better now.

my birthday is in a month and seven days.

i leave for college in 10 days. wendy & i are roadtripping it down.

gosh i love her!

i completely redid the blog last night & i'm really really digging it.

i made cookies today.

i'm going to have a baby horse. but that story deserves it's own post.

the bad

the highway is closed because of all the fires. 

so, i can't get down to the valley to feed the horses or anything.

thank heavens for angels in human form who are ready & willing to help.

the smoke makes my nose and throat hurt.

we got a new roommate... and i'm not sure how i feel about her yet. 

but the other 4 girls are great. 

i think this year will be a major adventure.

that's all.
xoxo
jessica

riley & mal.

probably two of the most gorgeous girls i've ever photographed.

it's thursday.

i looked super super cute on sunday.

and it's time to do 7 questions. 

it's the first day of august. are you savoring summer or ready to jump into fall?

i'm over summertime. give me fall already, would ya? i finally decided to drop the class i've been debating over for weeks. that takes a load of stress off & now i'm feeling better about school. so lets get on with it.

you need a quick and healthy meal. what do you make?

a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. that's healthy, right?...

you go to the mall. how do you shop?

park by dillards and wander by the shoes. head to gap and maybe, maybe american eagle. meander to romy & go through banana republic, out the other side to forever 21 and then back down. 

would you rather buy a new house or renovate an old one?

buy a new one. i've always been super terrible at fixing things, plus my family has remodeled more than once & i hate it. hate the whole process. unless i marry a builder who can build us a house, i'm just gonna buy a new one.

long hair or short hair?

both. i have had short hair 80% of my life so i really like it. but i also like my long hair. it's different than me and it's never been this long in my life but i'm diggin it.

long.

short. 

it's cute both ways. 

who is your oldest (not by age) friend?

close friend?

probably kathy. because we moved around i didn't keep a ton of my friends from portland.

but i'm totally okay with that. haha. 

what is your favorite blog currently?

right now i'm really a big fan of elsha rae's blog. her and her new husband just got married and holy dang they're the cutest couple to walk the earth. her blog is a gem. check it.

& thats all. 

logan in t-minus 16 days.

bait a hook, man.

some girls say, "i want to marry a country boy."

i say, "i have to marry a country boy."

if you don't know how to bait a hook, start a tractor, or back up a horse trailer with 2 tons of horseflesh inside, i'm afraid that you're automatically disqualified. i'm nowhere near as country as some people i know, but living in the open with acres of nothing but backroads and horses to keep me company is something that i've learned to love so much that there's no way on God's green earth i could give it up. 

give me a man who can drive a truck, knows how to work, and can be gentle yet firm, and that's really all i need. them city boys... sorry, you wouldn't be able to handle me. (or my horse, for that matter.) sometimes the city girls think they can have the country boys, but if you're afraid to get mud on your boots and dirt in your hair, don't deserve one. 

cause you know what they say,

country boys can survive, 

ladies love country boys,

and hell yeah.

xoxox

jess :)