every once in a while there will be calm spots, but large stretches of river are rapids, of all sizes.
there will be good times in each of our lives; times when things seem to work out perfectly. it's a calm stretch where everything fits together, pieces fall into place and being content simply means sitting back and enjoying the scenery. then, there are the rapids. some will be small, and you simply have to hold on tight for a second until you're over the rough patch, but others will be class five rapids that leave you hanging on to whatever you can with the tips of your fingers for what seems like eternities. i've had rapids in my life that leave my mind and body numb and exhausted because i've just been trying to survive for so long, just like bracing yourself to travel down intense rapids would.
looking at this river from the bank or an overlook, it's beautiful and awe inspiring. looking at the river from the middle of a little plastic raft... well it could be downright terrifying.
being in the middle of a series of rapids is scary.
taking a step back towards the bank and realizing that the journey we're taking down the river is incredible is a crucial part of our spiritual, physical, and mental growth. keeping a heavenly perspective is so important, yet so often forgotten. i know i forget to step back all the time, but it's alright because i have a river guide that shows me the safest routes around the sharp rocks, eddies, and logs that could drag me under.
trusting your river guide is a leap of faith sometimes. God knows that we're scared, and we just want to be in a calm stretch again. however, he also knows that traveling down the hard road will teach us things we couldn't have learned any other way.
this week, i'm working on trusting my river guide more fully. after all, he knows my river better than i do.
i was so lucky to get tickets to conference this session with one of my best friends in the world.
it's incredible the things that God can tell you through his prophets. this conference was really meaningful to me, because i'm at the point in my life where i really have to decide what i want & what direction my faith is going to take. i can't explain the relief i felt at some points of this conference when one of the speakers would say something that just solidified my choices. kinda awesome, huh?
especially this quote. so perfect.
to learn more about the general conference of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints, click here.
i love easter. after christmas, it's my favorite holiday.
this year was really, really hard for me. i made a lot of mistakes and went through miles and miles of hard times. this easter marks a year from the time my family was uprooted & my life was turned upside down, and so i have a certain tenderness and appreciation for this time of year. i love what easter is all about. it's not about a new dress to wear to church, or a fun easter basket with spring colored nail polish & lots of jelly beans and easter eggs. it's about recognizing Christ's sacrifice and resurrection and renewing our lives & being thankful for Him.
some people think
it's a little crazy to put all your faith into someone who supposedly saved the
entire human race. but you know what? i belive in Him. I have a relationship with him.
because He did
save us.
and i
know he did.
how do i
know?
i've prayed about
it. i've read the scriptures and asked heavenly father to know if Jesus really was who we say He
is. i've talked with my church leaders, my mom & dad, grandparents, friends, aunts and uncles, basically anyone who would talk to me about my questions. and i received an answer.
to me, Christ is
more than a spiritual leader who taught people moral lessons two thousand years
ago. to me, Christ is my personal redeemer. He suffered beyond what
anyone imagined was possible. He was ridiculed and mocked and ultimately killed,
because He knew what his purpose was. He was laid in a tomb after his
crucifixion, and then three days later, He walked out perfectly alive and with a
perfect body.
because He suffered
for you and i, because He suffered death, we can live again.
this year especially means a lot to me because i have had too many friends & family members pass away this year, and knowing i can see them again and that they are still with me gives me so much comfort. it's hard when someone you've been friends with for years and years suddenly be gone. its a harsh reality. they were all my age, went to high school with me, i laughed and went on dates and parties with these guys. in some cases, it's my friends siblings. it's beyond what was expected but it's alright in the end. He lives. He is a living witness that death can be overcome. it is so wonderful to know that we can see those we love who have passed on again- because of the wonderful gift that our older brother gave us.
we can become
perfect because He suffered for us. He loves us, and i am so grateful for Him.
this beautiful girl is one of my best friends in the entire world.
we were unlikely friends, but she has changed my life in such a huge way i can't even describe it. she was there for me in the happiest & darkest times of my life, when i didn't know if i was going to make it through high school, & whenever i needed a smile or a hug. she's at byu now, and still is there for me, even when i call her in at 1am. we have made so many incredible memories. i am so proud of her decision to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Clara is called to serve & teach the people of Montevideo, Uruguay.
i am so excited for her & for the people in uruguay who get to meet this girl.
they are beyond lucky and i hope they take advantage of every second they have with her.
i'm so proud of you baby girl. love you forever and always.
to learn more about missions and what they do, click here.
if you were going to ask me what my weaknesses are, you'd have to pull up a comfortable chair and be prepared to stay for a while.
seriously.
especially in the past few months, there have been times when i've told myself that i was going to make changes, and then find myself reverting, and it's the most frustrating thing to me. i mean honestly, it shouldn't be so hard to make changes in my life especially because i have such an amazing support system of friends, parents, grandparents & other family that are there constantly encouraging and believing in me. but it is hard. and it's a constant battle with myself.
what i worry the most about is not having enough faith that one day, Heavenly Father will be able to change that & transform my weaknesses into strengths. but, i know that He gives us weaknesses for a reason, and if He won't give up on me, someone who is so imperfect it hurts, then why would i give up on anyone else? some days, you're gonna feel like nothing is going right and it's not even worth it to try, and i know exactly how you feel, because i feel the same way a lot of the time. and it's okay. one day, after all the trials and conflicts, it's gonna be alright. i promise.
we are human.
we're stupid, impulsive, crave instant gratification, and temporal. but, we're also wonderful, incredible, beings that have amazing potential to become just like our Father. and i think that's awesome.
nobody is a hopeless case. if Heavenly Father's not going to give up on you, than neither am i.
every morning, i watch the sun rise out of this barn door. some days it's hidden from fog, or rain or snow clouds. on a really cold, clear day, you get a sunrise that looks like this. other days, with just a few clouds, there are beautiful colors thrown.
some days it rises earlier, some days it rises later. but the important part is,
it always rises.
the early hours of the morning are always spiritual for me. they're quiet and beautiful and so peaceful. my mind is always the most calm first thing in the morning, and things always make the most sense. i usually have my best ideas, solve my hardest problems, do the most difficult things early in the morning.
i have been stressed out of my mind lately. i'm good at putting up a good front, because it's easier to just tell people that you're okay than to explain what's worrying you. today at work, around 5:30am, i was sitting on the guard rail of one of the tie stalls waiting for one of the girls to bring in a load of straw. it was quiet, i was the only one in the barn. i was just sitting still, looking around and kind of dreading the work that needed to be done, when a couple of little birds flew down from the rafters and sat in the straw right in front of me. they picked up some straw with their beaks, hopping around and chirping. they sounded so happy i couldn't help but smile. i had a really comforting thought come to me. it said, "your Heavenly Father cares about these little birds, and their well being. He cares about the cows you take care of. He even cares about those who have forgotten about him. What makes you think he doesn't care about you? He loves you. Always has, and always will."
it was such a perfect time for me to realize that i am so blessed. i have incredible parents who i am so lucky to be close to. i have two awesome brothers and a little sister who i love. my life is good. i have my struggles just like everyone else, and sometimes i feel like no one could understand. it's in these little moments that i remember that i'm never alone. i have thanked my heavenly father over and over again this week for the way things are falling into place. i couldn't be happier.
