swirling thoughts.

i'm not the type do nostalgic posts.
but i'm feelin' it today.

friends.
just a word about them. everyone should have the one friend, boy or girl, who you can say anything to at anytime no matter what. the kind of friend you can roll out of bed and go see, or the type that will help you eat a gallon of ice cream. i've been blessed with one of each. one lives out of state (she) , one lives just down the street (he).
-she & i are the same person. we think the same way, say the same things, wear the same clothes, and shoes, love the same animals & people. i would not be the person i am without her. she's the one i call when i see that one boy that i used to love & get a pit in my stomach.
-he is honest and hysterical. he will tell it to me just like it is without sugar coating it. he's respectful and good looking. he's the one i tell my stories to. the ones that everyone else thinks are stupid. he laughs at them all. we both like our steak medium rare and with potatoes. we're best friends. (& i have bro status).

growing up. 
its not easy. never has been, never will. i hold on to things that were and i worry to no end about things to come. but tonight, as i sat at the last high school basketball game i will ever attend, i knew that it was time to let go of what had been, and that it was time to look ahead. to other days.
new days. 
the thing is, i feel like crying about it.
but lets be honest, i cry about a lot of things that don't need to be cried about.

i'll miss things. i will. and you know, i realize that most of my friends graduated last year, and i have very few friends that are in my grade. so few, in fact that i can count them on three hands (or less). the majority of my friends will stay here next year, as i graduate & move to utah. i'm nervous, not going to lie.
i'm nervous that they'll forget about me, and i won't be close with them anymore. obviously i'll be replaced, i'll be in another state. but still.

ugh.
none of this makes sense.
(it doesn't make sense in my head either.)

bottom line.
i love my best friend.
i miss that boy. a lot.
i worry too much.

loves,
jess.