learning.

life stages are pretty interesting. 

i've been very focused on myself lately- figuring out how to live without my dad being as involved in my life, learning how to be totally self sufficient- both financially and emotionally, not really leaning on anyone for help. to be honest, i pushed a lot of people away that were probably wanting to help me get over my issues- but i did what i thought was best for myself... and it worked. changes were made, including but not limited to, a new job, new haircut, changing my eating and exercise habits, and making a conscious effort to be around horses and music and to do the things i loved. i noticed a difference right away- i started to find myself more excited to wake up in the morning and go get things done. i felt like happy, normal, jessica self and it was awesome. i felt like i was doing important things with my life and i was satisfied.

and then i met brandon and things got even better.

we went to high school together in idaho, but had never known each other despite having slews of mutual friends. (i know, what the heck... my high school wasn't even that big). anyways, we hit it off immediately. we get along so good it's almost stupid, plus the fluttery feeling i get in my stomach i get when i talk to him is a big plus. it's funny because finding a boyfriend wasn't even something i was trying to do- he just kinda showed up and boy am i glad. this guy is so good to me... plus we're cute together and my mom likes him. it's a big deal.

 being in a big girl relationship is harder than i expected it to be in a few respects. it's kinda hard to let someone take care of me- and i'd gotten used to not really communicating with anyone and just going and doing my own thing. i'm re-learning a couple things i'd forgotten how to do since moving away from home- like how to be consciously considerate of other people's plans and time, controlling my snarky comments, and how to shake things off and how to go with the flow. every once in a while i catch myself getting uptight,  but he just tells me to go take 5 chill pills and then i'm good again. this is why we get along.

this is getting really long so i'll wrap up. 

basically, i'm really, really happy. 

it's a good thing. :)